Deutsch studying and translation board

Geht eine Frau zum Psychiater und sagt: "Herr Doktor, mein Mann denkt er wäre ein Raumschiff".

Sagt der Psychiater: "Da muss ihr Mann zu mir kommen!"

Antwortet die Frau: "Gut, aber wo soll er denn landen?"

A highly decorated US Marine Corps sniper is asked: "Sergeant, what do you feel when you're shooting an enemy combatant?"

He thinks for a second, then answers: "Recoil."

Jesus came across an adulteress crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone her to death.

Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress.

An old man looks up from the pool table and says, “Ummmm, an elephant?”

Bessie thinks about it for a second and says, “Close enough!”

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a virgin.” The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.” The wife continues, “Yeah, I’ve been with one guy.” “Oh yeah?

Who was the guy?” “Tiger Woods.”

The husband says, “I’m hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food.”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a second time.” The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.

The husband says, “I’m still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food.”

“He’d come back to bed and do it a third time.” The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time.

Ein Ökonom und zwei Ingenieure sitzen im Restaurant.

Der Kellner fragt den Ökonom:

"Was möchten Sie"?

Der Ökonom beantwortet: "Lachs mit Ofenkartoffeln, bitte."

Der Kellner: "Und was ist mit dem Gemüse?"

Ökonom: "Die beiden Ingenieure nehmen auch den Lachs".