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TO: All Employees

DATE: 4th November

RE: Christmas Party

And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

This gathering is only for employees!

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

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FROM: Pauline

TO: All Employees

DATE: 5th November

RE: Holiday Party

However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party.' The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.

There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung.

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

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FROM: Pauline

TO: All Employees

DATE: 6th November

RE: Holiday Party

You didn't sign your name.

How am I supposed to handle this?

Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

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FROM: Pauline

TO: All Employees

DATE: 7th November

RE: Holiday Party

I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.

There goes the party!

Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets; Gays are allowed to sit with each other; Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each will have their own table.

We will have booster seats for short people.

We cannot control the salt used in the food.

We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

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FROM: Pauline

TO: All F****** Employees

DATE: 8 November

RE: The ******** Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks!

I've had it with you people!!!

We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death,' as you so quaintly put it.

You'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.

They scream when you slice them.

I've heard them scream.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director

DATE: 9th November

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.