Englisch

Two years ago, when the monastery community where I lived was desbanded, (Name) told me to think once again about my wish to become a nun.

Unfortunately I didn't find a buddhist teacher who accepted me as pupil or a monastery where I could stay.

There is a feeling of being torn between my wish to become a nun and my wish to stay with (Name).

When I asked (Name) if I could stay at (Ort) she didn't give me an answer.

One year ago I decided to participate in a longer retreat.

Unfortunately there emerged some external impediments, which resulted in the ceasing of the retreat.

There are always new impediments and I don't see any more, how to go on.

Do these impediments emerge because I'm going in the wrong direction or exists another reason for that?

… What shall I do?

I am often alone and there is not much conversation.

Is it good for me to be silent or would it be better for me to be in contact with other people?